The Most Important War We Fight Is Not of This World

There are lots of wars going on right now.

I made a mention of it in my post yesterday that there are over 50 armed conflicts ongoing right now in the world. Add that to any kind of “culture war” or athletic rivalry that some call “wars,” and the terminology of war is all around us.

However, by focusing so much on these wars, we may be missing out on the most important war we’ll ever fight – the war on sin in our own lives.

It’s very easy for me to get caught up in fighting the battles that are visible. And I think it’s that way with many believers. But by focusing so much on getting culture to agree with us or keep Christ in Christmas, we might be missing out on fighting against a much deadlier enemy, our sin nature.

Sin sucks. Sin is horrendous. Sin is deadly. Sin is the reason people miss out on eternity with God. Sin is the reason people wander far from God. Sin is the reason people reject Jesus. Sin is the reason Christians’ relationships with God and each other are strained sometimes. Sin is the reason we are not who we are called to be every single day.

That is the war we must fight, each and every day. And we must be on guard. Paul speaks clear truth in Ephesians 6:12 –

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Our war, our primary war, if not the only war worth fighting, is against the sinful desires of our own heart and the work of Satan to bring us down.

Now, this is not an indictment on any individual “culture war.” Some of those may be worth fighting. I’m not going to pass a judgement on those wars here, although I may have in the past.

I’m simply saying that, at each and every moment, we’re engaged in a battle with Satan. We’re engaged in a war with the enemy of our soul, the devil, who “prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).

We must do everything within our power to strap up our armor and fight sin in our lives with every breath we have, every available method.

If it’s lust, pray to God for a redeemed heart. Then watch where you look, confess slip-ups to God and to others, and keep going.

If it’s pride, pray to God for a redeemed heart. Then remember the blessings you’ve been unfairly given as a child of God, confess slip-ups to God and to others, and keep going.

If it’s fear of man, pray to God for a redeemed heart. Then remember God’s approval is all you really need, confess slip-ups to God and to others, and keep going.

If it’s anger, pray to God for a redeemed heart. Then seek after peaceful solutions in difficult circumstances, confess slip-ups to God and to others, and keep going.

If it’s getting impatient with a waiter at the restaurant, pray to God for a redeemed heart. Then put yourself and their shoes and ask what you would want others to do for you, confess slip-ups to God and to others, and keep going.

It’s not always that simple, and there are a lot more steps that go into each of those scenarios. But that’s the basic pattern. Pray to God for healing, make conscious practical decisions and steps to fight the sin, confess when you fall short and don’t give up.

This isn’t a war where waving the white flag is an option.

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True Peace and Strength in a World with Little of Either

I need to get my fiancée to write a blog. Hers would be a million times better than mine.

I was talking to her last night and she was sharing something she had read in a devotional book of hers. It was revolving around the idea that God is our strength and our peace, based on Psalm 29:11 –

May the LORD give strength to his people! May the LORD bless his people with peace!

Pretty simply verse. But it brought to my attention something about my own life and something about this world.

I live in a constant state without peace. A life dealing with depression and anxiety will do that to you. Anyone else like me will echo that sentiment. I also often feel like I have little strength to handle all the things thrown my way.

This world is without peace. How many wars are ongoing right now? Well, according to this Wikipedia list (you can debate the legitimacy, of course), there’s over 50. And we in the United States think we’re pretty strong, but we, like every other country in the world, have many weaknesses and flaws.

The strength and peace Psalm 29:11 refers to, I think, a strength and peace that is not found within ourselves. That’s the key.

We are on a constant search for strength, whether it be physical or mental. I can’t tell you how many CrossFit gyms I’ve seen pop up over the last few years. And people are reading and writing books left and right about working out your mind, being in the right mental state. Both physical and mental strength is good, don’t get me wrong. But if our strength isn’t based in the person and character of God, it will fail us over and over and over again.

We are on a constant search for peace. People meditate, sleep, do crazy things just to find personal peace, a fleeting feeling that always seems to escape us just as we’re about to attain it. The world is searching for peace, but seems to use the least peaceful means to try to achieve it. Both personal and international peace is good, don’t get me wrong. But if our peace isn’t based in the person and character of God, it will fail us over and over and over again.

Yes, true and lasting peace and true and lasting strength are linked because they’re both found in knowing, believing and trusting God. The moment I seek to find those kinds of peace and strength in things outside of God, particularly in myself, is the moment I take a step in the wrong direction.

Now, all this is very abstract. True, but abstract. What does this look like practically?

It starts with a mindset. How do you think about achieving peace in your life? Peace is a state of rest and contentment with the circumstances around you. True peace comes from understanding, I think, God is in control. Isaiah 46:9b-10 says,

for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose,’

Knowing that God is in control of all circumstances, and that He is working all things together for your good if you are His (Romans 8:28), is the key to finding mental and emotional peace in your life. This may not affect circumstantial peace, but it is the beginning to finding peace in your own mind.

What about strength? I think it also starts in understanding God is in control. Knowing that God is in control gives you proper perspective on how to handle situations. It gives you a strength you can’t build in the gym. It handles change with confidence, it approaches difficulties with peace.

One of the most important things to remember here is that we won’t always be truly strong and truly at peace. As weak and anxious human beings, we’ll never get this totally down. Never.

That’s where the peace that we achieve through Christ’s death and resurrection confirms our place as God’s child, our eternity with Him and our salvation from sin.

That, my friends, is true peace. And thankfully, my fiancée has a grasp on that.

Don’t Give Up: Following Jesus Is Worth Every Single Second of Despair

Note: This is the finale of a series on the idea of not giving up in different scenarios. Previous posts include entries on work, relationships and depression & anxiety.

I’ve been on the brink of quitting following Christ several times.

The majority of those times have been the result of realizing how terrible I am at being obedient. Maybe I committed a particular sin that makes me feel like human feces. I think, “Well, wouldn’t it just be easier to quit? Wouldn’t it just be easier to ditch the whole thing and do my own thing? Sure wouldn’t feel so guilty all the time.”

The despair was rising, the depression setting in strong. I felt empty, gone, done. What’s the point anymore? If everything is just going to end up this way, where I’m frustrated about my proficiency at following Jesus, why keep going?

There are times I still feel this way. But I want to share with you something I learned, something that keeps me going.

It’s not about your “proficiency” at following Jesus. It’s simply following Him at all that is obedience.

Let me explain with a video game analogy.

I don’t play a lot of one-person shooter video games, but in the ones I’ve played, there’s usually some kind of quest or mission. You usually know how to get to the next step of the mission by an arrow or some kind of directional method that points you where to go next.

Let’s take the first game of this kind that I ever owned – Halo 3:ODST. Actually a pretty boss single-player mode for someone who’s not a video game geek. You start by landing on a planet looking for some missing teammates. How you progress through the levels is simply by killing aliens and reaching the next objective.

One of the beauties of these games it that there’s no set way you have to get through the levels. Obviously you have to achieve all the objectives, but you can die as many times as you must to achieve the mission. Each time you die, you get to start again.

Following Jesus is a lot like that.

Say you’re on a mission to overcome a certain sin. You enter the “level” – facing temptation. You fight it off for a little bit, but then you “die” – succumb to the temptation. In video games, you get a second chance, third chance, fourth chance, etc. In following Jesus, you get the same.

If you lie or cheat or boast or get drunk or commit sexual sin or whatever, following Christ means you get to get up and try again, just like Master Chief or Samus Aran or whatever video game hero you love the most.

Proverbs 24:16 says, “the righteous falls seven times and rises again.” Righteousness doesn’t show itself by perfection, but by rebounding from the fall. Every single time you stumble, Christian, you have the opportunity to get back up and you’re still loved by God. You can get back in the battle.

That’s why I encourage you here, in the final post of this series, to never give up in your walk with Jesus. God is on your side! He has given you the tools – His Holy Spirit, the Bible, brothers and sisters in Christ around you – to bounce back with strength. You won’t always bounce back well. I sure don’t. But you have the ability and power to bounce back.

So in this final post of the series (written about three weeks after the last post), I want to make one last encouragement to you. It’s something I’ve been trying to remember in my own life, something I need to grow in, something I need maturation in. So I’m right there with you.

Don’t give up. Please don’t give up. It’s not worth it.

Don’t ever give up.

My 10 Favorite ‘Christian Organizations’ and Why I Love the Crap Out of Them

Let me just be honest here: I can spend way too much time in my mind and on this blog focusing on the things the Church is missing out on or doing wrong.

I think there’s a place for thinking and talking about those things. If we’re too scared to talk about how we screw up, what are we really accomplishing? But there’s also a huge place for encouraging and praising the work the Church has done in this world. That’s why I’m going to list my 10 favorite “Christian organizations” and why I love the crap out of them.

Note: I say “Christian organizations” because, while some of these organizations are comfortable with the “Christian” label, others wouldn’t necessarily want themselves to be called a ministry but they discuss the things of God, Jesus, the Bible and the Church. And I want to respect that.

So here we go!

The Anima Series | “Giving local artists a global platform for Christ” | theanimaseries.com

Started in July 2013, the Anima Series is a group of young guys and gals who make music, spoken word videos and other ministry tools to reach out mainly to young people. Their YouTube channel has over 162K subscribers and their most popular video – “Who You Are: A Message to All Women” – has over 4 million views. 

My favorite piece of ministry of theirs is a spoken word called “Not Qualified.” It typifies their work: reaching out to the youth or other believers who may feel like they’re not enough. The Anima Series recently went on a brief tour around America, and post videos on their channel regularly of either funny happenings or spiritual messages.

Bad Christian | “A thriving community that focuses on interacting with culture from an alternative Christian point of view” | badchristian.com

They would hesitate being called a ministry, but what they do has ministered to me. The main outlet of Bad Christian – started by Emery (the band) guitarist Matt Carter and lead vocalist Toby Morrell and their friend and pastor Joey Svendsen – is their twice-weekly podcast where they talk openly and honestly about different issues in Christian culture as well as their own lives. One episode each week includes an interview with someone in the Christian or music scene.

Most Christians wouldn’t like some of the things they do – they cuss openly, talk about drinking and sex and have some different views than most evangelical Christians. But it’s their openness and honesty that has drawn me in to loving what they do. They also have a blog and have started a music label with artists like Emery, Kings Kaleidoscope and The Classic Crime.

Cru | “A caring community passionate about connecting people to Jesus Christ” | cru.org

Formerly known as Campus Crusade for Christ, Cru’s main ministry is on college campuses, but also does work in military installations, churches, sports teams, politicians and across the world. There’s something inspirational about a ministry that seems to want to take every opportunity possible to spread the Gospel around the world. I love it.

I mainly love them because of their college ministry. Along with other organizations such as Campus Outreach and InterVarsity, Cru is reaching students in one of the most vulnerable places in their lives with the most important message. I was involved in CO in college, but what Cru did was known on campus. Those kids were some of the most joyful, most passionate kids who were involved in their community and involved in encouraging and building up one another.

HeartSupport | “A raw and authentic community where no music fan has to struggle alone” | heartsupport.com

Begun by August Burns Red lead singer Jake Luhrs, HeartSupport is an online community that has grown into a ministry to music fans who need a place to share stories of their addictions, abuse, depression and related things without fear of judgement. It’s a place where mostly young people can find love and acceptance and help for their struggles.

A lot of bands are invested in HeartSupport, mainly in the hardcore scene. Bands like Family Force 5, Sleeping Giant, Emery, The Devil Wears Prada, Hawthorne Heights, A Day to Remember and For Today are all a part of the Heart Support community, offering support for people’s hearts, as the name implies. I heard about HeartSupport when Luhrs was interviewed on the Bad Christian podcast, and loved what they do.

NewSpring Church | “Exists to reach people far from God and teach them how to follow Jesus step by step” | Anderson, S.C. | newspring.cc

Yes, a church is a “Christian organization” too. Founded by lead pastor Perry Noble, NewSpring has 19 locations, six of them house churches, across South Carolina with a mission to see over 100,000 South Carolinians give their lives to Christ. Noble’s preaching is open and honest and isn’t afraid to get blunt and honest, and ministries within the church include KidSpring (for kids), Fuse (for youth) and small groups to help people grow in their relationship with Jesus.

I visited NewSpring in Anderson a couple months ago with my now-fiancée and really enjoyed the service. It’s super laid-back – I wore an Arsenal jersey and they played “Can’t Feel My Face” by The Weeknd over the speakers when the service ended – and the topics are relevant and faithful to Scripture. Noble has come under fire from some in the Christian community for some of the things he’s said, but I love his heart and his message.

One Fair Chance | “Each One – Reach One, Each One – Teach One” | Hyderabad, India | onefairchance.org

The next three will be smaller, lesser known on a national scale but each have been very personal to me. The first is “One Fair Chance,” started by my friend Billy Judson. Billy, named after Billy Graham and Adoniram Judson, came to Sanford a couple years ago and completed a seminary degree in Cary, N.C., for the purpose of being equipped to give each Indian “one fair chance” to hear the Gospel. It’s connected to Good News Bible College and Seminaries in Hyderabad, run by Billy’s father, a school which has graduated over 11,000 students. Sixty percent of those graduates have their own ministry.

I love the heart of this man, one of the most joyful people I’ve ever met. His passion for his people is unmatched. I wish every Christian could talk to Billy for 15 minutes just to get a glimpse of the vision that he has for his homeland. I miss having him here in America, but I know what he’s doing in India is far more effective for the Gospel than him being here.

Snowbird Wilderness Outfitters | “A Gospel-centered, high adventure discipleship camp in North Carolina” | Andrews, N.C. | swoutfitters.com

This camp for students located in the North Carolina mountains is one of the few places where I have been seriously shaped spiritually. Their main ministry is their summer camp, where college students come and work for the summer to invest themselves in the lives of the middle and high school students that come for a week. There are also year-round retreats and conferences focusing on missions and purity for youth and men’s, women’s, marriage and student ministry conferences for adults.

I went five summers as a camper, worked one summer on staff and have been as a chaperone twice. I can’t say enough about the amazing Gospel-centeredness of the teaching and the staff. Their passion for Jesus and for seeing students’ hearts changed is amazing. I certainly plan on hitting up their marriage retreat when I get married, and I see the effect of their ministry on the youth group I hang out with every week. I love that place.

Turner’s Chapel | “A non-denominational church that emphasizes Biblical teaching, missions, prayer, discipleship and family” | Sanford, N.C. | turnerschapel.org

This is my home church, and I love my church. I love the personal ministry from my pastor Bruce MacInnes, I love the community that I have, and I love the youth group that I help serve in. I don’t always agree with everything the pastor says (wrote about that here), but that’s totally OK. It serves the Sanford community with outreach to the homeless and needy and runs Connect Groups where members meet and talk about the sermon and pray for one another. It also gives a significant portion of its budget to missions each year.

I have the privilege of helping out with the youth group, the same youth group that I grew up in and learned how to be a Christian in. It’s where I’m getting married next summer. It will always have a place in my heart. And as much as I might get frustrated by certain things, I can’t help but call it home. It’s where God has brought me, and I can’t complain about that.

Wycliffe Bible Translators | “Translating Scriptures in more than 70 countries” | wycliffe.org

Wycliffe is by no means the only Bible translation ministry, but it was the first one that came up when I searched “bible translation ministries” on Google. Other ministries include Biblica, The Seed Company and Elam Ministries. These ministries focus on translating the words of Scripture into other languages so that those who don’t have the Bible in their native tongue can get one and read it and grow and know Jesus. 

I’ve always been pumped about Bible translation. It started back when I was in high school and I learned about how the first Bible translators who tried to put it in English were martyred for trying, and how much of a blessing it is that we have the words of God in our language. So for me, the value of these ministries is really hard to measure. I love what they do.

XXX Church | Helping people with porn and sex addictions find healing | xxxchurch.com

XXX Church is a ministry focused on helping people battle addictions to pornography and other sexual sin through a number of areas. They’ve created a filtering software called X3 Watch that helps people who want to avoid porn. Their website has a blog that is updated daily with helpful tips. They have small groups called X3 Groups where small groups of people meet online weekly to discuss their addictions and seek freedom together.

I’ve given several times to their ministry and have written several times about how much I love what Craig Gross and his team do. The same people also run outreach ministries for porn stars and also provide guidance in areas of sex, marriage and family. They’re blunt, honest and real. I’m so thankful for their ministry. It’s one I would love to be involved with some day.

Scars Need Healing. And We Can’t Heal Ourselves.

During my freshman year of high school, I got a scar on my right hand. It’s a line about an inch long about down the middle of my hand, starting near my wrist and going towards my fingers.

I remember when I got it that I didn’t do anything about it. I didn’t go wash it or get a Band-Aid or anything. Typical guy thing, not needing help.

But that’s something I pondered this morning. What is it about guys – or more specifically, me – that causes us to avoid help or healing sometimes?

I think this can be a human problem more than just a guy problem. For some of us, seeking help or allowing someone else to help us is the last thing we want to do. Often it’s called “self-sufficiency.” It’s relying on yourself alone to get through life, to get what you have to get, to know what you need to know, to fix yourself.

There’s some self-sufficiency which is good. If you’re constantly reliant on others, you will, in all likelihood, end up alone anyway. There are certain cases where illnesses force that to be the case, and there’s nothing you can do. But if you spend your entire life totally reliant on others, you’ll get nowhere.

A Christian is not made for self-sufficiency. A human is not made for self-sufficiency. We’re made to need other people. Most importantly, we’re made to need God.

See, we all have scars. We all have weaknesses, injuries, flaws. And if we spend our whole lives trying to fix them ourselves, we’ll never get fully healed. Sure, we might fix one or two on our own. But we need to be willing to let others, and God, in to help with the healing process, and in some cases bring full healing.

This is one of the things I’m learning right now with my fiancée. She’s the sweetest, and it seems she wants nothing more than to simply care for me, do whatever she can for me. As someone who’s self-sufficient most of the time, I have to learn to let her do what she does best: help people.

Self-sufficiency will get us nowhere in the long run. True humility is learning to let someone help us, learning to let go of our pride and accept help in the healing process of those scars.

And then there’s our need for salvation. We can’t do it on our own. We need God to intervene for our eternal state to be secured.

In a self-sufficient world, where it often becomes about “what I can do” and improving our own skills and making a name for ourselves, we need help. We need others to come alongside us and help us through. We need Jesus for life now and life afterwards.

Those scars often don’t take care of themselves. They stay there. They stick.

So don’t be afraid to seek help.

With Grace, You Don’t Have to Sit in a Waiting Room

Probably the worst part of going to any doctor’s office – physician, dentist, chiropractor, orthodontist, ER, you name it – is having to wait.

You come in, “check in,” then sit with everyone else who has an issue just like you. You flip through a magazine, scroll through your smartphone, watch the overhanging TV or just look aimlessly around the room. It’s a waiting game.

Then, after what seems to be an interminable period of time, the nurse calls your name and you go back to get your problem looked at.

What if you got to go to the doctor’s office, check in and go straight back? No waiting, no magazines, nothing. You’re accepted for attention right away.

That’s what the Gospel looks like.

As soon as you admit your need for help, you’re accepted. You don’t come to the doctor’s office healthy. You’re not expected to. You come because you need help. You come because something needs to be fixed. You come because there’s an issue you can’t deal with on your own.

With God, there’s no need for you to try home remedy after home remedy to fix your need for grace. 

The Gospel means you can have salvation given to you without you doing anything but simply coming to Jesus.

Sin leaves us broken like a disease. It leaves us in need of a cure. Without the cure, we’re diseased for eternity and miss out on health, true health.

Grace provides the remedy. And there’s no need to wait.

Just check in.

because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. (Romans 10:9-10)

Don’t Give Up: Even When You’re Depressed and Anxious Like Me

Note: This is the continuation of a series on the idea of not giving up in different scenarios. Previous posts include entries on work and relationships. The previous posts have not had a particular audience, it can be applied generally. But my heart is for the Church, for the body of Christ. So the next two posts will be aimed at a Christian audience.

This post dives into the subject of depression and anxiety, something I’ve written about countless times. Please read my other posts on this subject for more of my thoughts and experiences. Just search “depression” in the search bar and you’ll find them all. This piece gives a brief overview of my story.

I originally wrote this for submission to an online magazine but it was not picked up, so I share it here.

The biggest problem with mental illness in the Church is not that it exists, but that we don’t talk about it.

If we do talk about it, it’s a passing mention, with an emphasis on “read your Bible” and “pray.” Oh, I wish that were true.

I’ve had depression for at least six years, probably more. And it nearly killed my faith.

When we think about depression, we often don’t associate it with the word “Christian.” When we think of “Christian,” the list of words that come to mind don’t usually include “depressed.” In a way, “depressed” often can seem anti-Christian to people who don’t understand it.

Depression implies that someone is down or sad, that it’s a state of mind that is hard to get out of. And that seems to go against what it means to be a Christian. We’re saved, let’s be joyful! We’re forgiven, let’s celebrate! God loves us, let’s be excited! Those are things to get excited about. Those are things to celebrate and be joyful about. However, when you’re depressed, it’s hard to join in that crowd.

The majority of my time as someone who has depression was spent in college at Elon University. I was studying print journalism and participating in a campus ministry. The campus ministry was a good experience and had an emphasis on evangelism and spiritual disciplines, things that were good. However, evangelism and discipline are two of my biggest “weaknesses,” if you can call not being good at those a “weakness.”

Within the context of that ministry, it felt like a weakness. It felt like I was not “good enough” to be a part of the group because I wasn’t as passionate about sharing the Gospel with the lost. I wanted them to know Jesus, but I would rather spend time at the house I shared with a couple guys playing FIFA or doing my homework (I was a bit of an academic when I wanted to be) than building superficial relationships with guys just to try to convert them.

For wanting that, I felt like I was less. And because I felt like I was less, I got depressed. Struggles with sin also depressed me.

I talked about this general feeling of depression every now and then, but it was not a comfortable thing. The guys I talked with, as awesome as they were as brothers in Christ, just didn’t get it. And they seemed to be quite happy with their lives. “What was wrong with me?,” I wondered. “Why didn’t I have the same joy, the same drive?” I chalked it up to that I wasn’t good enough as a Christian, and I had to get better. Then I wouldn’t be depressed anymore and people would think I was an awesome Christian.

That was my driving force in life for a long time, and to today still is to a degree: being the best Christian there is. I wanted people to look at me and see my spiritual life and see perfection. That’s what I thought had to happen. See, everyone around me didn’t act like there was anything wrong with them. Prayer requests usually revolved around sick relatives, hard business presentations and that freshman they had been “pouring into,” hoping to get them saved. I felt like there was no place for me to share the mental anguish I went through on a nearly daily basis. No one talked about their personal struggles in their head, and I wasn’t bold enough yet to share it and start the conversation on my own.

Now I feel a little more comfortable talking about my personal experience with depression, at least online. But bringing it up in person with people is still a struggle. I have a few times in my small group, and it’s been fruitful each time.

The problem comes when we think that being a Christian means you don’t struggle with anything like mental illnesses. Being depressed and being a Christian is not a contradiction. It’s just like being a Christian and being born in the South or being a Christian and being a journalist (I’m both of those things) – it’s just part of who you are. The key difference between those things and depression is that you can be a Southerner and a journalist and that often doesn’t seriously affect how you live as a believer. Depression does.

But I’m writing this to all of you out there who are Christians and have depression: it’s not a losing battle. It’s not a battle that you have to fight alone. You don’t have to be joyful all the time to be a Christian. Being a Christian simply means Jesus saved you. There’s no other prerequisite for being called a son or daughter of God. Don’t let the conversation, or lack thereof, about depression in your church or your local group of Christians make you think you’re all alone.

I’m there with you. I don’t struggle as much anymore, mostly because I take medicine for it and I’m engaged to a beautiful young lady who knows everything about me and loves me anyways. Just like Jesus.

What I’ve found is that the answer to depression is the Gospel. It’s the truth that perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18), fear of being rejected by God for our feelings, fear of being not good enough for the Father. It’s that God loves us throughout our struggles. The Gospel doesn’t necessarily heal us from depression, but it will help and guide us through it.

So be open about it. Share your story. Don’t be afraid to take medicine. Don’t let people discourage you. Find someone who echoes the love of Christ to you and build a friendship with them. You’re not abnormal. You’re just like me.

Don’t give up. Please don’t give up. It’s not worth it.

Don’t ever give up.

As Far As It Depends on You, Just Get Along With People on Social Media

We live in a culture of vehement disagreement. Just take a look at your News Feed.

Every day, I see (and am sometimes involved in) conversations on someone’s Facebook post that revolves around a vehement disagreement on some political or societal issue. Sometimes that disagreement can be over something trivial and the disagreement can be joking and playful. But sometimes it can be bad and vitriolic.

These kinds of interactions have led some people I know to stay out of conversations on Facebook altogether, and I applaud them. Perhaps it would be better for me to take that route. I’ve been in quite a few of those bad conversations and said some things that were out-of-line or had a sinful attitude and approach.

Romans 12 has some words for me. Verses 16-18:

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Live in harmony. Live peaceably. If we look at social media, there’s not a lot of harmony and peace.

There is a place in society for disagreement and people having a conversation in which opposing viewpoints are presented. People are different, so we’ll have different ideas and opinions on how certain things “should” or “ought to be” run or thought about. That’s just part of being human.

But we shoot ourselves in the foot as a society and as the body of Christ when we resort to vehement vitriolic disagreement.

I’m guilty of this. I’ve tried to stay away from being mean in my comments but my attitude has gotten sour over some things said on Facebook. I have done little to create an environment of harmony and peace on social media.

But these verses challenge me, and hopefully challenge you who might read this, to think through how we behave on social media. Are we creating an environment of peace and harmony on social media?

To be fair, there’s only so much we can do, right? We can’t control how other people behave on their Facebooks and Twitters. Romans 12:18 takes care of that, saying that “so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” It’s saying that we must do whatever we can to pursue peace in our relationships with everyone. There are going to be times where the other party isn’t as willing to pursue peace, and in those times we can be content knowing that we’re trying to do the right thing. But remember that doesn’t give us license to be spiteful and unfairly critical of the other party.

My fiancée once told me something very wise. We were talking about fighting sin and she said, “You need to do what you need to do to not do what you don’t need to do.” I was like, “Brilliant!” We need to take whatever steps necessary to avoid sinful behavior. Particularly online.

I need to think five times about what I’m about to post. I need to think about something that my dad tells me all the time – “Is this thought helpful?” I need to think about how what I’m about to say can create an environment of peace, even in the midst of disagreement.

It is possible to disagree well.

 

Don’t Give Up: Even When Relationships Are Stressing You Out

“Actually, there is a word for that. It’s love. I’m in love with her, okay? If you’re looking for the word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you, it’s love.”

I’ve mentioned before how one of my favorite shows is How I Met Your Mother. Just in case you’ve missed the posts where I’ve mentioned it before, it’s a show about Ted Mosby, a young guy living in NYC trying to find the woman of his dreams, the mother of his kids. It’s narrated by an older Ted Mosby to his two kids. It’s him saying to his kids, “Hey, here’s how I met your mother.” Classic.

Ted Mosby is a romantic. Easily. Throughout the whole series you see him pining for different women. Sometimes it’s a mess.

But one instance that strikes me so deeply is early on in season one. He’s dating a girl named Natalie, someone with whom he has a messy history, for the second time. The first time he broke up with her, he dumped her on her birthday via a message on her answering machine with a bunch of people in her apartment waiting to surprise her hearing every word. After they restart dating, Ted suddenly says, “I have to break up with her…She’s terrific but I have to break up with her…I should be in love with her, but I’m not feeling that thing. It’s ineffable.”

They had only dated – this second time around – for three weeks. Ted’s issue in this episode was that he was basing all his decisions on feelings and giving up really easily. It reminded me how easily people give up on relationships.

True, Ted is kinda clueless half the time. But just look at the statistics on divorce. Some studies say it’s 50 percent of marriages, some say it’s less. Either way, people give up on relationships all the time.

Sometimes giving up on relationships is what needs to be done. Sometimes it’s just not going anywhere. But there are two instances when giving up isn’t an option.

When you’re married, you don’t give up.

There are specific exceptions that are really hard and messy to deal with here, but 99 percent of the time, you say, “Till death do us part,” and you stick with that.

The American Psychological Association says that 40-50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. That’s crazy. That’s a lot of people giving up.

I can’t speak specifically to the difficulties that come within marriage because I’m still a few months away from experiencing it myself. But all that I’ve heard is that marriage is hard, and that it can be somewhat easy to want to ditch it.

But all I’ve heard about quitting marriage is that it’s not worth it.

As I’ve thought about the possibility of being married, I can think of several reasons why one would want to quit: arguments that never seem to end, the financial difficulty of managing money for two people, and many more. But when you say, “I do,” you’re committing for life.

One thing I’m learning about love is that it’s more about commitment. When you say, “I love you,” it’s more than a feeling. It’s saying, “Hey, I’m committing to you. I’m promising to stick with you, no matter how I feel. Even if I don’t feel the love.” Love means commitment more than anything else. Yes, there are feelings in there too, but it’s more about a promise. Love is a promise. What I’ve heard is that going through the tough times will only make your relationship stronger.

Don’t give up.

Don’t give up just because you’re scared.

Fear of commitment/relationships is one of the most powerful fears out there. I’ve experienced it in my own life, and had to overcome it to start pursuing my now-fiancée.

Fear can be a powerful motivator, but it can also be a powerful de-motivator. It can suck the life and desire and drive out of you.

I know how terrifying commitment can be. You’re offering to give yourself up for someone else.

But I can tell you from personal experience that it’s worth it. The months that I have spent dating and now engaged to my fiancée have been hard sometimes, but they’ve also been incredibly joyful and rewarding. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with her.

So if you’ve got the opportunity to pursue a romance, but you’re sacred, please, don’t give up. Push on.

Don’t give up.

God Sticks with Those Who Feel Stuck. Like Me.

One of the hardest things for me to deal with in my own life is getting stuck in a certain season. I struggle when things aren’t moving forward.

For instance, I’ll be stuck in this intermediary season of life between single and married that’s called “engagement” for the next few months. It’s a weird season, I’ll be honest with you. The Bible doesn’t speak clearly to what this season is supposed to look like, so my fiancée and I are left guessing as to what’s the best way to think, to act, to speak in our relationship.

There are also times when I’m stuck in sin, when a certain sin seems to be like a magnet. I’m stuck on it, and when I try to pry myself off, I just seem to keep coming back. I’m the boomerang, and sin seems to be throwing me around.

I was thinking about that this morning in the shower, thinking about what the heck this all means for me. I’m stuck. I’m a fan of forward motion, I like going forward, I like making progress. But there are so many things in my life that just seem to be at a standstill.

I must remember: God is there in the standstill just as much as He’s there in the forward motion.

The idea that God will never leave us nor forsake us means that we can be thankful for His patience with us in the slow seasons, His faithfulness to us when we’re stuck, and the fact that He never unsticks Himself from me. God sticks with us.

This is encouragement. This is what I need to remember when I feel like I’m struggling with forward motion. I’m feeling like Relient K –

Cause I struggle with forward motion
I struggle with forward motion
We all struggle with forward motion
Cause forward motion is harder than it sounds
Well every time I gain some ground
I gotta turn myself around again
It’s harder than it sounds
Well every time I gain some ground
I gotta turn myself around again

We can get stuck in these kind of cycles in our lives where we find ourselves in the same positions over and over again. God doesn’t leave us in those positions. He sticks with us when we feel stuck, and He’s there with His Word as one of many tools to help us in those times.

Praise Him for that! Otherwise I’d have no reason to try to get unstuck.